Megan's Journal [entries|friends|calendar] Megan [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

04/07/09 @ 4:49pm [ ] I've started dreaming again. It started slow and silly. Waffles and Nutella. It's changing. It's lots of little things that I'm having trouble sorting out. Walking down long bridges holding hands. Lots of long streets. Basements. Being on the wrong side of the glass. Denied kisses. Sometimes I wake up, and I can still feel the dream laying in bed beside me. Sometimes it's a warm breath that disappears as soon as I feel it. Sometimes it's cold and confusing. I wished for dreaming, and I'm not sure I like it. I was hoping for answers. Explainations of my subconscious. Instead I wake up feeling like I've gone somewhere I didn't like but can't remember. I don't want to stop dreaming until it makes sense, though. | |

03/30/09 @ 12:42am back. [ ] I think I'm going to start blogging again. In talking about myself, I realize a lot of things. I think putting things in to words helps me balance them out, sort them in to boxes, see them in a new light, etc. I'm single again. I'm happy. I feel free again. I never felt tied down while I was in the relationship, though. I never felt like it was holding me back. But then I had a conversation with a new friend, and in trying to explain my relationship, I realized that I was being limited in a way that I normally wouldn't let happen. And I ended it. It was so strange. I didn't see it coming. I'm happy. I'm dating (with mixed results). And I'm keeping up with friends. I'm drinking more coffee and sleeping less. I'm watching more movies and reading. Hence the blogging. I'm going to write to keep myself mentally organized. So I can sort out the things that are happening so I don't get overwhelmed like I used to. This time I'm going to be in control of my independence. | |

02/24/08 @ 8:18pm [ ] I let you kiss me full on the mouth. And then it wasn't about letting you. It was us together. You needed help getting my bra off. And it all felt right. Fingertips to skin. Lips and mouths and tongues. It all felt right. Thank you. | |

02/17/08 @ 10:01pm [ ] Tequila shots. Warm sheets. Mmmm. Good drinking by yourself alcoholic kind of nights. | |

02/11/08 @ 10:37pm [ ] I don't know why the hell I'm writing this here. This is definitely more of a "keep it to yourself thing." But why the hell would I do what I should. Sometimes, when its late at night, I wish you would text me saying "How are you? Really." and mean it. But you never do. I just want someone to fucking mean it. I want someone to ask "is this okay?" and when I say no, not really, I want them to stop. I want them to stop. 1 | | |

09/28/07 @ 7:58pm [ ] Here's some of my stuff from the darkroom. ( boys with harmonicas, and some dirty chapel. ) I love being in the darkroom. I like being in the pitch black film loading room. I like focusing the enlargers. I like the smell of T-Max developer. I like watching my images appear on the paper. 2 | | |

09/22/07 @ 7:35pm darkroom. [ ] this is from friday. i'm making prints on monday. i love this class. 2 | | |

09/16/07 @ 12:12am [ ] I meet lots of boys in parks. ( the rest ) 3 | | |

09/01/07 @ 7:29pm [ ] nothing like a good day of drinking beer and crappy music in the park. ( all pictures ) 3 | | |

08/17/07 @ 11:46pm [ ] I have this big thing looming over my head called college. I only got into two classes, plus the lab I needed. I can't figure out what to do now. I want to move out. I'm not sure what I can afford. I can't talk to my parents. I'm so stressed. Maybe this was a horrible idea. | |

07/19/07 @ 10:38am [ ] I don't want a boyfriend. I don't want a boyfriend because boys, in general, are lame. I don't like romance. I don't like needing to spend all my time with one person. I don't need someone to make me feel complete. I don't need someone to fall in love with. If I had a boyfriend, I would cheat on him. I don't want one. Those are all good enough reasons, right? Dear boys from work, stop getting all hurt because I don't want to date you. The end. | |

06/11/07 @ 2:02am [ ] Me. I don't wear pajamas. | |

03/31/07 @ 10:11pm [ ] I felt like maybe I should write here. I don't have to go to school every day anymore. I like it. I applied to college yesterday. College! I'm doing a double major. Finance and Photography. We will see how this works. | |

03/11/07 @ 12:54am [ ] It's decided. I'm not going back to ACA next year. Next Saturday, I'm taking my CHSPE. High school is going to be over for me at the end of this school year. I'm applying to CSUSB, Crafton, and RCC. We shall see how this all goes. I'm planning to take general ed., Spanish and Photography. I want to become fluent in Spanish, and as soon as that happens, I will jet myself off to Spain for a month. Once I am done with general ed., I'm going to work on a finance or accounting major. I will try to pass my CPA exam on the first try. Who knows. I want a job that pays the bills. I need to buy a car. Or my mother needs to buy a new car and give me hers. This is a pain of an entry to read, seeing as no one cares. 5 | | |

03/01/07 @ 6:22pm [ ] ( Read more... ) | |

02/21/07 @ 6:57pm the sibling. [ ] she's pretty. i'll put others up later. | |

02/12/07 @ 10:33pm [ ] I have impulse control problems. I know that's true. But it's so much more than that. I feel like maybe if I make someone else happy, I will be happy. But it's not working. I feel like maybe if I am what other people want, I will be what I want. But it's not working. I need to slow down. 1 | | |

01/27/07 @ 4:55pm [ ] I like washing my sheets. Laundry detergent is one of my favorite scents. And it means that I can sleep without pajamas. 1 | | |

01/21/07 @ 4:23pm [ ] I just want to sparkle for a moment Before I just fizzle out and die. I'm happy because I'm stupid. Scared of spiders, scared of flying. If I wasn't so happy, I wouldn't be so scared of dying. So just be gentle with me. "I'm surprised you still remember me after all this time?" "How could I forget you. You're only everything I think about." Promise me you won't break my heart. I don't want to break yours. You make me little promise that make my stomach twist up... The good kind of twisting. I just hope you keep them. I don't want to be alone again. | |

01/20/07 @ 10:56am [ ] ( more. full-sized. ) 4 | | |

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